Golf course guide to national identity
Golf course guide to national identity
by Jon Morrow
by Jon Morrow
One of my favourite pastimes is people-watching around golf courses. It is so true that the game of golf brings out a person’s true character.
Golf can also identify a person’s nationality almost as accurately as a passport.
The soul of the golfer is exposed throughout a round of golf, but never more so than at the conclusion.
The Brits
“How was your game today, Mr Arbuthnot?”
“Well not bad actually, old chap. Just under three hours and 45 minutes for a four-ball. Not bad for a Saturday, was it?
“And you know, we were held up for at least five mins on the 12th when that Laura Duffs woman must have had 10 shots before she even reached the green.
“How was your game today, Mr Arbuthnot?”
“Well not bad actually, old chap. Just under three hours and 45 minutes for a four-ball. Not bad for a Saturday, was it?
“And you know, we were held up for at least five mins on the 12th when that Laura Duffs woman must have had 10 shots before she even reached the green.
“Still wouldn’t call us through. Bloody women, shouldn’t be allowed, I say. But don’t tell the wife I said that, there’s a good chap.”
With the Brits, there is frequently absolutely no mention of the score. But that’s the British for you. It’s more important to behave correctly than to play well, even if you can play the game.
The Americans
The American golfer is just the opposite, even if he is a complete novice.
“Good game, Mr Shankenwhiff?”
“Well you know, I’m really getting the hang of this darn game. Hit it real good today. 139. That’s the fourth time I’ve been under 140 now. And y’know, if I coulda just two-putted those six greens I four-putted, then not driven O.B. on 6, 12, 14 and 17, I would have shot a 119 for the first time. So close, huh!”
The American golfer is just the opposite, even if he is a complete novice.
“Good game, Mr Shankenwhiff?”
“Well you know, I’m really getting the hang of this darn game. Hit it real good today. 139. That’s the fourth time I’ve been under 140 now. And y’know, if I coulda just two-putted those six greens I four-putted, then not driven O.B. on 6, 12, 14 and 17, I would have shot a 119 for the first time. So close, huh!”
That’s the Americans for you. Absolutely results-based and completely convinced that they can and will get the better of the game before long, even if there is very little evidence to show that.
The Scots
The Scots base the quality of their game more on the ball tally than the shot tally.
“Did you have a good score today, Mr MacIntosh?”
“Weel I had a good day oot there, I must say. Didnae’ actually finish me game, as it goes. I lost me ball on the 14th and I ne’er did find the wee tyke. But then I canna complain as I foond the one I lost last year and a half a dozen others.
The Scots base the quality of their game more on the ball tally than the shot tally.
“Did you have a good score today, Mr MacIntosh?”
“Weel I had a good day oot there, I must say. Didnae’ actually finish me game, as it goes. I lost me ball on the 14th and I ne’er did find the wee tyke. But then I canna complain as I foond the one I lost last year and a half a dozen others.
“And by the time I got to the 15th it was a wee bit tae dark to see. Soo in tha end, I think maself lucky to have lost the ball in the first place.”
The Chinese
For the Chinese player, money talks. The result of the bet may be more important than the quality of the game. Winning at all costs starts with pre-game negotiation.
“What are you playing off, Mr Zhang?”
“White tee me, blue tee you.”
“No sir, I meant your handicap.”
“What your handicap?”
For the Chinese player, money talks. The result of the bet may be more important than the quality of the game. Winning at all costs starts with pre-game negotiation.
“What are you playing off, Mr Zhang?”
“White tee me, blue tee you.”
“No sir, I meant your handicap.”
“What your handicap?”
“Well mine is nine but I know you shot a 75 gross last weekend, so I guess I’m getting shots.”
“No, no. Very lucky last week. Handicap 24 this week. Now, how much we gonna play for?”
The Thais
The Thai reaction is my favourite. Thais are another nationality that love a bet, and the table looks more like a casino after a good Thai five-ball is clearing the bets.
Every player played every other player front, back and overall with extra points for birdies and eagles, nearest the pins and longest drives, and who wore the loudest trousers.
The Thai reaction is my favourite. Thais are another nationality that love a bet, and the table looks more like a casino after a good Thai five-ball is clearing the bets.
Every player played every other player front, back and overall with extra points for birdies and eagles, nearest the pins and longest drives, and who wore the loudest trousers.
But there are two interesting things that go against the grain. First, in a country that is not known for transparency in business dealings, serious Thai golfers play absolutely by the original rules of golf. They play the ball as it lies – period.
Having seen the tour pros twist every rule in the book to gain a free drop, I find there are very few countries in the world where golf is still played by the original rules.
One more thing overshadows all bets. If a player has had a particularly good game or scored an eagle or a hole in one, this takes centre stage, no matter what the status of the bets.
“How was your game today, K. Sanuk?
“Oh very good loei today. Hole 2 eagle! First time eagle for me! Very sanook. You sit down, drink one whisky with me. Chork dee na khrap.”
In many respects, as far as golf is concerned, Thai golfers have really got it right. Smile, have a good time with friends, don’t think too much – just hit it.
And if you do happen to do something special, don’t be scared to celebrate and share the spoils of victory.
Jon Morrow is a golf course design and construction consultant.
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